Thursday, January 31, 2013 10:38 pm

suffocated

listen, ♥Something's really wrong when I feel like crying for no reason at any point in time. Being this egoistic individual, crying is never an option.

I feel so sick and tired of everything, that what I've just said is an understatement of what I truly feel. And I'm dying inside, time after time. I'm so tired, I really wanna burst into tears but nothing's falling.

When I see everyone floating pass, getting by easily, I start questioning myself and my self worth. Am I capable of only this? I thought I could do better, but the stress and what other rubbish that's coming my way, is ripping me apart. I feel so, ... suffocated!

I don't know in actuality, what I'm really feeling inside. My resistance to doing things and getting things done. My declining level of concentration. My undying need to unwind.

Okay, with all these said, I need to say good bye to all these negativity!

I CAN DO THIS! I KNOW I'M BETTER THAN THIS! I CAN BECAUSE I THINK I CAN! /fist pump

Monday, January 21, 2013 9:15 pm

School

listen, ♥The first week of school came to a closure with me being sick, what a start to school.

Am still sick but praying that everything will get better so that I can concentrate better.

Been sleeping soooo much, I don't know what to say about myself. /laughs

Anyway, the work load is really, ... CRAZY!

It's gonna be a tough semester but we'll keep rocking! :)


x,

Monday, January 14, 2013 12:00 am

CNBLUE

listen, ♥

Sunday, January 13, 2013 12:00 am

LEESEUNGGI

listen, ♥

Thursday, January 10, 2013 12:00 am

FantasticFour

listen, ♥

Tuesday, January 08, 2013 12:00 am

Syah

listen, ♥

Saturday, January 05, 2013 12:00 am

9th

listen, ♥

Tuesday, January 01, 2013 8:00 am

Resolutions

listen, ♥Since I've never made New Year resolutions, I thought I should try it since I survived the apparent end of the world. So here goes. :)


1. Exercise, to keep myself fit.
2. Do my best in everything, especially school.
3. Save enough money to go on go on a shopping spree/travel by the end of the year.
4. To be thankful for something, everyday.
5. Read the bible everyday, even if its a short chapter, no matter the circumstances.


And throughout the year, I will try my very best to adhere to these resolutions set.


I'll think of a penalty to keep myself in check. :)



Happy New Year! :)
Pray that 2013 would be a better year. :)


With love,
Martha! :)

12:00 am

Reflections

listen, ♥2012 has been a complete whore with an influx of sugar poured in at various points in time. But as the year end and as I look back at all that has happened, what remains, are the scars, the hurt and all the degradation that I've gone through that stand out like a sore thumb.

I tried to look past the imperfections that plague my life. But having once achieved the best, it seems more than impossible to forget what I use to have and have held dear to. Maybe its my fault, but then again, everyone seeks perfection in many other ways that are different from me. And admit it or not, at many points in time, we seek perfection. From that someone, something, situation and what not.

I've been holding back so much, I've been giving in time after time, I've been thrown around as though I'm a bloody pathetic doll with no life. But I sucked it all up, time after time, only because I've lost too much in life that I cannot afford to lose anymore. Maybe I can, but I cannot bring myself to do so.

Why do I put myself through such misery and degradation you may ask? Well, the answer is simple, because people mean more than they seem to me. And if my suffering can reap better results or make them feel better about themselves, then I'm willing to take the plunge. (provided you're worth it)

Yes, there are times where I take things for granted. There are time when I feel like giving up because I'm tired of all that is happening. There are times when I feel that nothing is worth it anymore. But alone, I've fought the urge to give up, and to instead give my all.

I'm not proud of myself in any ways, trust me. I've failed in every aspect in my life that I cannot even bring myself to say that I am someone of worth. Self-degradation, I know. But its perceptions on my part.

The immense heart ache that I feel deep down inside, has forces me to realise that nothing's real, that nothing lasts forever, that there's no second chance in life.


Enough whining on my part. I've been through tough times, but its only gonna make me stronger than I was the year before. And with less emotions as an individual, with less things to lose than before, I stand tall and I pray, for a better year ahead.

No more lies, deception, hatred, negativity, and the list goes on.

I know looking back wouldn't trigger anything but misery. But I pray, that I would be able to overcome all the fear and to recover from the pain that I've received.

2012 might not have been a good year on any front, but I'm still thankful for the gift of life, and the ability to strive for what I really want.

I'm thankful for great friends that have stood by me silently, in the shadows and those who never fail to make my day.

And even if my family falls apart, they need to know that this egoistic bitch that they have in their life, loves them no matter the circumstances, even if they hurt me till I feel as though I'm dead.

And as I welcome 2013 with open arms, I sincerely pray that it would be a better year through and through, with less misery and heart aches.

I pray for the people in my life, that they'll always be happy. And everyday as I pray for this world  to be a better place, my family to be my source of support and safe haven, I also pray for humanity, that it would evolve to become more endearing towards the poor and needy, who obviously deserve more love, affection and attention then individuals who have led far better lives than they would ever achieve throughout their livelihood.

And with this, I welcome 2013, with optimism, an open heart and mind.